Thursday, May 12, 2005

What to get him on Father's Day

These aren't mine - they were forwarded on to me in an email. But to save YOUR inbox from getting cluttered, I have decided to post them here. Enjoy!

Buying a Gift for Him

Rule #1:
When in doubt, buy him a cordless drill. It doesn't matter
if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17, and he
has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many
cordless drills. No one really knows why.

Rule #2:
If you can't afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with
the word 'ratchet' or 'socket' in it. Men love saying those
two words. Example: 'Hey, George, can I borrow your
half-inch ratchet?' 'OK. By the way, are you through with
my 3/8-socket yet?' Again, no one knows why.

Rule #3:
If you're really, really broke, buy him anything for his car.
A 99-cent ice scraper, a can of fuel additive, or mini-compass
to hang from his rearview mirror. Men love gifts for their
cars. No one knows why.

Rule #4:
Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy him
scented soaps. Ever!

Rule #5:
Buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they've
worn out. If you have a lot of money, buy your man a
big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch
him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.

Rule #6:
Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, it
will sit in a cupboard for 23 years. Real men drink whiskey
or beer (sometimes both at the same time!)

Rule #7:
Do not buy men shoes or boots. Unlike women, the average
real man owns only 2 or 3 pairs of shoes and boots, will
wear them until they literally rot away and is perfectly
happy. No one knows why.

Rule #8:
Buy men label makers. It's almost as good as cordless drills.
Within a couple of weeks there will be labels everywhere.
'Sockets', 'Washers', 'Screw Clamps', 'Drill Bits', 'On',
'Off', '220v', 'Door','Refrigerator', etc. You get the idea.
Again, No one knows why.

Rule #9:
Never buy a man anything with 'Some Assembly Required' or
'Instructions Inside' on the box. It will ruin his Special
Day and he will always have parts left over.

Rule #10:
Good places to shop for men include sporting goods stores,
lumber yards, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and
tire stores. (NAPA Auto Parts and Sears Clearance Centers
are also excellent stores for men's stuff. It really doesn't
matter if he doesn't know exactly what it is. 'From NAPA, eh?
Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter solenoid
for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks!')

Rule #11:
Men crave danger. That's why they never cook but they will
barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound
propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. Oh, the thrill...
the challenge! 'Who wants a hamburger?'

Rule #12:
Tickets to a Buffalo Bills game or a box of ammo for his
favorite rifle are smart gifts. However, he simply won't
appreciate tickets to 'A Retrospective of 19th-Century Quilts.'
Everyone knows why.

Rule #13:
Men love chain saws. Never, ever buy a man you love a chain saw.
If you don't know why, please refer to Rule #8 and what happens
when he gets a label maker.

Rule #14:
It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum
extension ladder. Never buy a real man a stepladder. It must
be an extension ladder. No one knows why.

Rule #15:
Rope. Men love rope. It takes them back to frontier days,
or at least the Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a full
spool of 3/8' nylon or manila rope.


At 8:27 AM, Blogger Jen said...

This cracked me up!


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